Sunday, February 21, 2010

Baby Shower

Science Girl,
Sorry for being late-traffic you know.

I've been to so many baby showers and I just want to let all the other attendee's know that I win at most games. I've never left a baby shower empty handed :)

I'd spend most of this shower in aw about how you kept running during your pregnancy and hopeful that I could do the same. I'd tell you how tough you are and how great you'll do during labor. We'd laugh about the similarities of grad school and rearing children (even though neither of us has raised a child).

I just want to leave you with one piece of advice. Never forget to be grateful. Life will be difficult but always go back to the joy of your little one-if when they are the one being difficult.

I wish you patience for your long journey ahead into parenthood. Hopeful that you never forget that you can be a mother, a wife, a scientist and many other things all at the same time!


Friday, January 22, 2010

Personal opinion

I was just musing over a comment my boss made and about how much it bothers me that he does this. I wanted to muse out loud and remembered I have this blog that I technically retired from. Still, I'd like to know the thoughts of my internet friends about this-if you still tune in.

Boss commonly likes to tell me his personal opinion of others. I hate that he tries to shape my opinion of colleagues before I've gotten to know them. Some of these comments are positive, but today, like most days it was negative.

I showed him an e-mail I received from someone (SO) I've just barely started working with at another firm, for a project in which they are the prime and we are the sub. It was my understanding that we were going to study Y and figure out what was significant. This e-mail made it sound like they were going to do a study on A through Z (including Y), and tell us what was significant about Y. This is actually a common procedure in the type of document we are writing but wasn't my understanding on what our role was in the project.

Boss says, after talking about the e-mail a bit, "I've never like working with SO, she does bad work and always tries to get others to do her work for her."

I can see how Boss is trying to warn me of some issue that could arise with SO, yet, it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth that he talks about other people in this way. And that he acts like he is an authority on other peoples personalities. I haven't gotten this impression for SO at all, but we have only had three or four encounters.

So what do you think. Is it ok for him to talk this way about others? I feel like the message is just but the delivery is pompous and rude.

Friday, December 18, 2009


I've been meaning to post a good bye letter but my lack of motivation to post anything has also including a farewell post.

In short, I want to say my time blogging was very useful and filled a gap in my life that I needed. Thank you so much for being a part of that. Now it seems I don't need it so much. I have to blame facebook, but there are other reasons as well.

I'm still keeping tabs on my favorite bloggers and you might see me comment from time to time.

For now I'm going to take a blogging hiatus. If the urge comes up again I will definitely post, but for now if you are interesting in keeping tabs on me send an e-mail or become my facebook friend.

Best wishes for 2010.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Inspiration or Desperation

I'm going to tackle the theme, Inspiration or Desperation, for my first submission to Scientiae, hosted this month by Academic.

I thought I'd discuss a few examples in my life that both inspire and cause me to feel desperate:

1) Running.
I started training for a half marathon in July because I needed some inspiration to keep exercising. This was a truly inspiring experience. I clocked my longest training runs ever and the event itself was very inspiring. So many courageous women runners (it was an all women's race which I realized I haven't blogged about yet). So many encouraging faces on the trails. The first and second place finishers were a 25 and 55 aged woman, with the 55 year old only 2 minuets behind the 25 year old. That is awesome.
Two weeks before the race I injured my knee and was very distraught and feeling desperate to keep training but knowing that rest was the best training at that time.
However, this story turned out to be overall inspiring because race day went great-I could have walked a little less but I met all my goals and am inspired to compete in more races and hopefully will stay inspired to keep exercising even though this goal has been met.

2) Rugby.
I have been able to practice with the best team in the nation and these women inspire me beyond belief. However, I'm only able to practice with them sporadically since they are based in the city I commute to once a week and not the city I live in and due to work and other comitments I will only be able to attend 2 or so games this season. So while I'm so inspired to be surround by amazing women rugby athlets it is a bitter sweet feeling to know that I can't dedicate myself to the team, and I get a desperate feeling to know my rugby career is slowly coming to an end.

3) Work.
Work, unfortunately is a story of desperation. I am still struggling to find inspiration in my new job, an inspiration I lost during my last year of graduate school. It fills like my days are full of desperation. I try to get motivated to work, but then I goof off on-line, then a deadline looms and I freak out and desperately meet the deadline. I start to read a document and my mind drifts to how much I don't know about the subject I'm reading about and how it's fruitless to try and learn these new things because I won't remember them anyway. I keep thinking of things to inspire myself to want to work, because the truth is, if I don't want to I'm just not going to.

3) Life.
Goals. I need some goals. I need to be inspired. My husband and I had a desperate discussion recently about how our life is going nowhere. I'm crapping out on my job and he is having trouble finding a permanent job. In March of 2008 we got inspired living in Post-Doc town and decided to leave there and head back home. We knew life wouldn't be easy but figured we'd get a job eventually and all would work out. It is in a sense, we aren't homeless or going hungry, so life is working out, but we don't see a chance to move up. My husband is distraught that he has a Ph.D. and did post doc work but is in a temp job that someone with a high school diploma could do-and he's not getting any full time job offers. I'm part-time and not even working as much as I should be and so where in this equation of part time workers does a house and a family come into play? He's aware of my lack of inspiration at work and so he tries to inspire me by reminding me of these goals-but unfortunately I haven't been inspired yet.

I feel the main question I have, to myself, to my readers, is "Where does inspiration come from."
I mostly find myself in desperation. As Academic said, Teamwork can equal working together in success, or seen from the other perspective, Teamwork means sharing failures. How to you change your mindset from success to failure, from desperation to inspiration?
Right now I see my professional life as a series of failures-that my husband unfortunately has to share with me. I'm happy with my personal life but as I stated my personal life can only move forward so far if my professional life isn't up to par.

I want to be inspired but should probably realize that inspiration doesn't come from some mystic box and it's not something that one finds deep within one's self during a walkabout. Inspiration is hard, inspiration is something someone finds when they work hard to get out of the desperation that is so easy to fall into.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


My company periodically has brown bag seminars. I gave one during my interview process. This week we had an experienced consultant who was maybe late 40's, early 50's and is a women give a talk. She had worked with some of the higher ups in our company on a few projects. During her long introduction, and during her mention in my project ops meeting in the am, my big boss decided to mention that she had taken many years off and worked independently from her home to take care of her mother with alzheimer's. I'm not sure why this information is pertinent. Was big boss trying to say,
she is such a hard worker, she even worked while taking care of her mother,
give her a break since she's been at home taking care of her mother
or I don't know. But this is how big boss is, very personal and into other people's personal business.

I watched the speakers face to see her impression of this type of information being told to a room full of strangers and the only emotion I could pick out was sadness, as her mother passed away about a year ago.

Its frustrating that big boss thinks nothing is wrong with sharing this information or that this type of information is important when formulating a professional opinion of someone. I wish I could get into his head and understand his reasoning.