Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Imposter project

A quick update, the internal draft of the final report for the project I've written about the last two post is due on Friday, to my PI. I've worked really hard on it these past two days and am proud of myself but it still has a lot more that needs to be done.
I'm so burnt from Monday and Tuesday 10 hour days that my brain is having trouble starting this morning. It's 830am now so I'm allowing myself to goof off and drink coffee until 9am.

Life has been pretty busy, I'm training for a half marathon and think I overdid it on sunday with my 8 mile run that included hills. We ran for 100 minuets. To date my longest run had been 60 minuets. The training plan called for a 6 mile run but the race is mostly hills so we wanted to include some hills in this run and since we left from my friends house to the hills it turned out our run became 8 miles. Lesson learned my quads are so sore!

I'm also practicing rugby on Tuesdays, going to yoga on Wednesdays and trying to climb at the indoor gym at least one a week, ideally twice. With this project taking over my life climbing is the first activity to get cut.

My mom is buying a manufactured home and we have been waiting for escrow to close for the past month. Now it is scheduled to close on Thursday, which is exciting but my week is already so busy with this project and during the week-end I was hoping to catch up on life and climb and run and Sunday we are going to the near by city for a major wine tasting event . . . . Oh and Saturday was a rugby tournament I wanted to go to . . . looks like I'll be moving my mom instead. Small price to pay to help my mom end her life of renting. She has to be out of her rental by July 12, and next week-end is Forth of July. I'm hoping she will be able to wake up in her new place on Sunday, even if we don't get everything moved in time.

The major news in my life is that I'm going to see a therapist today. I went to my primary doctor (who I had only seen once) and mentioned that I think I might have depression but wasn't sure how to choose a therapist and what the best plan of action would be. This imposter project has brought back a lot of the bad habits I created for myself while writing my dissertation in postdoc town. My husband is finally concerned; all the times I thought I might have depression in postdoc town my husband always shrugged it off and told me just to get stronger, i.e. suck it up. I always thought this would work but I kept gaining weight and kept feeling unhappy and kept watching online TV instead of working.

What kind of suprised me was that I told the doctor I didn't want to take any medicine and she was very pro-meds. Although I see her points I really want to try and aid my mental state first by seeing a therapist and possibly identifiying my issues first. She stated that a really small dose can increase your saratonines and aid in the healing process, she also said my therapist and I might get to the point where they decide a drug is needed. My husband is also anti drugs, I think mostly because his mom is bipolar and he sees how the medication changes her.

This week is really busy but I'll aim to post something next week to keep anyone who is still reading this updated.


Amanda@Lady Scientist said...

Just to throw in my two cents (if they're even worth that much)... I don't think you should discount meds right off the bat. I went on Celexa (citalopram--$4 at Target) for about a year and it really helped me. It didn't change my personality, but it allowed me to focus on therapy. I felt (and Dr. Man agreed) that it just allowed me to be myself minus the depression. If you want to talk about the whole depression thing (or whatnot) just email me at the usual. :-) I hope that things become calmer soon!

Psych Post Doc said...

Good luck with the project and moving your mom.

I also hope things go well with the therapist. I don't think you should be pressured into drugs, I would think you're therapist would want to get to know you before making that decision with you.

EcoGeoFemme said...

Sorry to hear you've been feeling bad, but it's good that you are taking action about it. I hope it works.

ScienceGirl said...

That sounds like a hard run, but I am sure it will pay off later this summer. Good luck helping your mom - it is exciting that she gets to have her own home!

I hope the therapist works with your wishes in helping you. Perhaps you can bring up your consistent work-out program, and see if there are other things that would help you once they become a habit.

Unbalanced Reaction said...

Good luck! Kudos to you for running your your *and* for seeking out a therapist.