A previous TA of mine and a now colleague of my husband stayed the night at our house last night to attend a workshop where my husband works. My husband worked with TA (as I will now call him) as an undergrad, as such they have kept in contact. TA is now at an institution near to us where he does teaching 75% of the time, research 25% of the time, sits on committees and obtained tenure in less than 5 years (he said it's common at his university to do it in 6). He advises no graduate students but conducts research with a lot of undergrads. All of the data he writes as first author. The university has zero to few graduates.
Anyhow, now that you have a little back ground on him I wanted to mention that multiple times in our conversation last night he said "if i was smarter," "but I'm not smart enough"
WOW. I know he received a pretty distinguished post doc position and here is this man talking about if he was smarter. I say man because I've heard so much about women generally feeling this way.
In essence everything he said could have came from my mouth.
He said he's not very passionate about his research but loves to teach, if he was smart enough he would change disciplines. I tried to be pc and instead corrected him and said he wasn't determined enough to change disciplines. He said this is a reason he is glad not to advise graduate students because he doesn't feel smart enough to train the next generation in his discipline.
He talked about some research he does which is on the outskirts of his previous knowledge and again mentioned not being smart enough to yet figure it out.
Besides him not being smart enough, we had a great conversation about the process of applying for positions. He helped me convince my husband to apply for a certain position because it's a brand new department hiring 25 faculty members so I think there is chance both of us could get hired. He gave hints about writing the teaching statement. He also told me I should apply for positions even though I don't think I'm qualified since the process of applying only get easier as you go so your first application shouldn't be to your most desired job. Basically once you have a good template it's easier to go in and revise as papers get published or tailor it towards a different position.
He also said really nice things about my qualities as a faculty candidate that boost my ego some. Of course these compliments came from someone not very smart . . . j/k
Showing posts with label smart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smart. Show all posts
Friday, December 7, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
My husband is awesome, ect.
I've decided to steal this title from Dr. Brazen Hussy, since I was contemplating what to call it anyway.
Background information:
Yesterday was suppose to be the day I told my adviser that I'm submitting this resubmit because I think it's good enough and I'm tired of putting it off. I've been working really hard on it. I need something to show from my efforts and while my adviser is a distinguished professor and 70+ years old and has all the time in the world I don't. I've been working on my dissertation for 6 years and have one manuscript, plus a sh*t load of abstracts but abstracts won't help me get jobs.
I made a list of things I wanted to say and was nervous all morning. Then adviser changes meeting time to today and sends me a revised abstract. The abstract was nothing like mine and it made me loose all confidence and I decided I could no longer go through with my speech.
Then husband comes home and reads both abstracts and starts to tell me why mine is no good but it turns out since he didn't know which was which he thought mine was my advisers and vice versa. Exactly, my abstract is better than my advisers! My husband published 8 first author manuscripts while a PhD student so I'd say he's a good judge on the subject. (we are both in same discipline but different subjects). He then proof read my 25 page manuscript and gave comments and told me to submit it. In addition when I woke up this morning I noticed he had put the dishes in the dishwasher away. What a guy :)
But now today, I have to decide if I still want to go through with speech.
These are my main points
1. I am not being lazy by not wanting to work on it more.
2. The reviewers will do a much better job critiquing it then we can
3. It is my paper. I am the expert. (this one is scary because I'm afraid it will say I know more than adviser)
4. I am loosing motivation
5. I am not super busy, i.e. I want to finish my projects and move on
6. Do you think I am improving as a writer? Do you think I am ready to graduate?
I think number one and number three are the ones that keep me listening to my adviser when he says it's not ready. Although I really feel he says this because he hasn't read it yet. I think it's hard to argue with him because it makes me feel like I'm saying I'm smarter than him, but I don't think this is true.
My husband has been really supportive and reminding me that I am smart and hardworking.
Writing is my least favorite thing to do. I loose all motivation and confidence and it depresses me. I wonder, "where the hell is that smart, athletic, confident Jennie I know?" She was around during grad school years 0-5, but she's slowing becoming fat, self-pity Jennie. I don't like this Jennie, but this Jennie always seems to win. Yesterday instead of running I made Kahlua coffee. Now it's a snowy mess today and I can't run.
I read this interesting article about how to raise smart kids and I think it applies a lot to my life. It talks about the difference between thinking being smart is something innate or something that you can become. Those that think it's something you can work at are more likely to think positive when faced with a challenge. Those who think being smart is something you are born with decide that if something becomes difficult to do it's because they are not smart enough, they then tend to give up.
I think part of my depression (dissertation blues?) stems from this feeling of helplessness. Like either I am not smart enough to do something on my own or the helplessness of waiting for others to help me complete something.
If I can only train myself to see life's difficulties as challenges I can work though and conquer I think finishing my dissertation and corresponding publications will be 100% easier. And not easy because I am smart but easy because I will work hard and have a better attitude about things.
Lets hope for the best
Background information:
Yesterday was suppose to be the day I told my adviser that I'm submitting this resubmit because I think it's good enough and I'm tired of putting it off. I've been working really hard on it. I need something to show from my efforts and while my adviser is a distinguished professor and 70+ years old and has all the time in the world I don't. I've been working on my dissertation for 6 years and have one manuscript, plus a sh*t load of abstracts but abstracts won't help me get jobs.
I made a list of things I wanted to say and was nervous all morning. Then adviser changes meeting time to today and sends me a revised abstract. The abstract was nothing like mine and it made me loose all confidence and I decided I could no longer go through with my speech.
Then husband comes home and reads both abstracts and starts to tell me why mine is no good but it turns out since he didn't know which was which he thought mine was my advisers and vice versa. Exactly, my abstract is better than my advisers! My husband published 8 first author manuscripts while a PhD student so I'd say he's a good judge on the subject. (we are both in same discipline but different subjects). He then proof read my 25 page manuscript and gave comments and told me to submit it. In addition when I woke up this morning I noticed he had put the dishes in the dishwasher away. What a guy :)
But now today, I have to decide if I still want to go through with speech.
These are my main points
1. I am not being lazy by not wanting to work on it more.
2. The reviewers will do a much better job critiquing it then we can
3. It is my paper. I am the expert. (this one is scary because I'm afraid it will say I know more than adviser)
4. I am loosing motivation
5. I am not super busy, i.e. I want to finish my projects and move on
6. Do you think I am improving as a writer? Do you think I am ready to graduate?
I think number one and number three are the ones that keep me listening to my adviser when he says it's not ready. Although I really feel he says this because he hasn't read it yet. I think it's hard to argue with him because it makes me feel like I'm saying I'm smarter than him, but I don't think this is true.
My husband has been really supportive and reminding me that I am smart and hardworking.
Writing is my least favorite thing to do. I loose all motivation and confidence and it depresses me. I wonder, "where the hell is that smart, athletic, confident Jennie I know?" She was around during grad school years 0-5, but she's slowing becoming fat, self-pity Jennie. I don't like this Jennie, but this Jennie always seems to win. Yesterday instead of running I made Kahlua coffee. Now it's a snowy mess today and I can't run.
I read this interesting article about how to raise smart kids and I think it applies a lot to my life. It talks about the difference between thinking being smart is something innate or something that you can become. Those that think it's something you can work at are more likely to think positive when faced with a challenge. Those who think being smart is something you are born with decide that if something becomes difficult to do it's because they are not smart enough, they then tend to give up.
I think part of my depression (dissertation blues?) stems from this feeling of helplessness. Like either I am not smart enough to do something on my own or the helplessness of waiting for others to help me complete something.
If I can only train myself to see life's difficulties as challenges I can work though and conquer I think finishing my dissertation and corresponding publications will be 100% easier. And not easy because I am smart but easy because I will work hard and have a better attitude about things.
Lets hope for the best
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